Earth, roshis mags

Korishin looked around expectantly but he couldn't see anything. he was supposed to be going to a small island in the middle of the sea but he had (obviously) got lost. Wait. a pink house? what sort of old man was he supposed to be helping??? Korishin dropped down near the door. "hello" he said
"hello, are you korishin"
"er yes"
"O.K i'll train you only becuase you said youd pay me, and finally i'll be able to buy myself that limited edition play. .toys for your grandchildren...ahem. BUT FIRST we must find my magazine collection" so together they looked around and found the magazine collection, unfortunately he couldn't look in any of them.
"So we found all your magazines old man can we train now?"
"NO!( ) to late go home come back later to later piss off!"
so korishin flew back, without training, damb, and decidded to come back later...

this mission is complete...

A few notes: Capitalize the first letter of every sentence. Always capitalize names. Always capitalize "I" when it refers to the person speaking, IE, "Okay, I'll train you[...]". Always add apostrophes to contrations (can't, won't, you'd). Avoid using smilies in roleplay posts, they take away from the post's quality and add nothing to it. Please run a spellchecker as well.

Your post is extremely lacking in substance. The biggest offender is this particular sentence:

so together they looked around and found the magazine collection, unfortunately he couldn't look in any of them.

How did they do the search? Where did they search? Who exactly are "we"? And, most importantly, why should the biggest part of the quest be finished in the first part of a single sentence?

Suddenly your character just found the magazines and the quest was over, the end? Not only is this ludicrously anti-climactic, it also defeats the entire purpose of the quest to begin with. It is the same as going into a battle and saying "He defeats his opponent", then going on to describe the conversation he had after the battle, when the battle was supposed to be the focus of the rroleplay.

I cannot, in good faith, say that this quest is adequately completed to be given the quest rewards. Please try again, and attempt to put more detail in your post-- I really want to see you improve, as you do seem to have some potential.

In case you didn't see the pm...

Wait, lemme put it how Melissia puts it but a bit more..understanding...


You should try to explain how your character does this or that. I mean, why is your character wanting to search for roshi's island and finding his mags?


We can't really understand the concept of what your character is doing..or if that's how she puts it.

(i know its not my place to post here but....) LMAO!!!!! MEL U MADE HIM CRY xD (sorry i just had to express myself)

I just dont wanna do it again but ill get around to editing this one then you can post to it

Why can't you just give him the PL? I mean he did finish the quest and Like i told you ZX Ive seen worst than this.

lol, I don't know what your character is doing. But, I'm trying to and I see that you got a bit of help from Master Roshi. Anyways, +500 PL.

thx ill fix the post now

Korishin looked around expectantly but he couldn't see anything. He was supposed to be going to a small island in the middle of the sea but he had (obviously) got lost. Wait. A pink house? What sort of old man was he supposed to be helping??? Korishin dropped down near the door. "Hello" he said
"Hello, are you Korishin"
"er yes"
"O.K i'll train you only becuase you said youd pay me, and finally i'll be able to buy myself that limited edition play...toys for your grandchildren...ahem(it's number 501). BUT FIRST we must find my magazine collection..." So together they looked around for the magazine collection, unfortunately he couldn't look in any of them. We looked everywhere... Well I looked everywhere. Roshi looked in an underwear magazine. I looked in the attic, under the floor, behind the fridge and even under a giant english speaking turtle who told me not to look in he shell (apparently its rude) and finnaly we found them, all 499 of them (not icluding the one he was reading)
"So we found all your magazines old man can we train now?"
"NO! To late go home come back later to later piss off!"
So korishin flew back, without training (damb 499 magazines) and decided to come back later... So he actually could train.

Better.

Topic Finished, Profile Graded.