[Earth] Master Shens Training

Quest overview: now that you have passed the test master shen still thinks your ready for some hardcore training he takes you into a swamp and instructs you to spar with him. if you manage to win he will teach you the dodon ray.
requirements: Quest completion: Enter The Crane, +10 alighnment, +5,000 PL
Rewards: +4,000 PL

Armada followed Shen to what appeared to be a swamp. "Okay, Shen what's the next step in my training?" asked Armada. "before I teach you the arts of Dodon-Ray you must spar with me. But there's a catch. You must win." Armada then nodded and got in his battle position. "You start." said Shen. Armada nodded and then charged his PL to the his maximum. Shen then charged to the same amount of PL as Armada to make it even. "I'm coming for you Old man!" Armada then raced at Shen and launched an array of Ki blasts in front of him at Shen. This caused Shen to flinch which led an opening to an Attack for Armada. Armada then rushed in and launched a kick at Shen's chest. Shen took the hit then grabbed Armada and sent him backwards then he ran back and charged a finger beam. "Do-Don-Ray!!!" A whitish yellow Ki attack was launched out of Shens middle and index finger. The blast hit Armada and knocked him over. Shen then charged at Armada and slammed him into a tree. "Nice Move old Man. Now it's my turn!" Armada then grabbed Shen and kicked him in the gut and then he launched many Ki blasts into his face which blinded him for a moment. Armada then charged Ki into his leg and smashed it into Shen. This caused shen to fly backwards. They both only had limited Ki left which means only a few turns left to knock each other out. "This has been good my green friend!" Shen then charged a Dodon Ray and released it at armada. Armada created an after image then he appeared next to Shen and kicked him in the head. "I give up." said Shen. You have won this battle. I shall now commence in teaching you the Dodon Ray.

Quest Complete

The Dodon Ray is a heat-based attack, not an explosive one. It would not have as much power to knock one back as a kamehameha wave.

Your post is disorganized and is all a single block of text Please make use of line breaks to break your text up into paragraphs.

Your sentences could use more descriptive words, but are generally okay... but that's it, okay, nothing beyond that.

I question wether or not this is actually Shen's personality given what I know of him, but I won't take off for that as it is up for interpretation.

Your post could make use with more substance, or a second and third post further describing the activities that your character took, and their training. An example would be the following sentence:

Shen then charged at Armada and slammed him into a tree.

It's short and to the point, and a complete sentence... but it is lacking in substance. Here is an example of how I might write the same sentence:

Seeing the advantage his Dodon RAy opened up for him, Shen charged Armada at full speed, and grabbed the reeling Namekian by the waist before throwing him head-first into a nearby tree, creating a dent in the tree and nearly driving Armada into unconsciousness.

Note a few things about the sentence:

• It built upon the last sentence "Seeing the advantage [...] up for him"
  
• It described the charge ("at full speed")
  
• It described both actions needed in tossing, the grabbing (and how Shen was able to grab the Namekian, due to his reeling from the Dodon Ray) and the actual tossing itself.
  
• Furthermore, the sentence described the impact of the throw, making it look much more impressive.
  

Try and do that with future posts.


Since I'm feeling nice, I will give you the full credit for the quest. Please be sure to improve upon your roleplaying posts in the future.  +4000 PL.

Ok I will take note of this but my next two quests won't be like this because they are already up on this site but thanks.